Clarifying my position

I got a comment on my food blog about my position on Prop 8 the other day, trying to point out my hypocrisy by invoking the argument of polygamy.

Let me be perfectly clear. I have no moral issue with polygamy. I do take offense when old men try to marry off little girls to their friends. I do not approve of child endangerment and sexual abuse of minors (or anyone else for that matter). A thirteen year old, while physically mature enough to bear children, is NOT mentally ready to be a wife and mother. But I don't have any problem with consenting adults marrying each other. As long as everyone is mentally and emotionally mature enough to deal with their decision (and at 18, we are legally considered to be mentally and emotionally able to enter into legal contracts), then go for it. You're not hurting anyone else. Even if you have a bunch of kids, as long as you're a big happy family, then I'm fine with it. Multiple mommies? No problem. Duplicate dads? Just more love.

And this is essentially my problem with the Prop 8 proponents: why are you so sure that YOUR morals are the right morals for everyone else? Why are you so convinced that your way is the only way people should live? What gives you the right to arrogantly decide to strip away the rights of others just because you don't like their choices? I may think you're an idiot for believing that a cracker is the body of Jesus Christ, but do I try to outlaw communion wafers? No, I don't. Because it's none of my goddamn business what you do as long as it doesn't directly affect me.

And gay marriage does NOT DIRECTLY AFFECT YOU unless you are actually in a gay marriage.

So why? Why are you so afraid to let people who love each other get married? It doesn't have anything to do with what kids are taught in schools; California law specifically states that parents can opt-out of having their kids taught anything about health/sex education. That includes gay marriage and homosexuality.

It doesn't have anything to do with religious freedom, either. There has never been any case of a religious leader being sued for not performing a marriage ceremony. NEVER. There was a lawsuit against a justice of the peace in Massachusetts who refused to perform a marriage ceremony for a gay couple, but he was a government employee who was bound by the laws of his state. Let me state this perfectly clearly: there was NEVER a requirement for religious leaders to perform marriage ceremonies that go against their beliefs. When did you last hear of a Rabbi being sued for refusing to marry two Gentiles? When's the last time the Catholic church got sued for not recognizing a marriage between two atheists? Never? Oh, that's right. Because this argument is completely irrelevant.

And don't give me that crap about homosexuals having "equality" with the civil union laws. "Equal but separate" is not equal at all. In fact, it's a slap in the face. And if it's just a question of semantics, then why are you so rabid about keeping gay people from getting married? If it was just a word, you wouldn't care. By fighting against calling it marriage, you are proving that civil unions are NOT the same as marriage. And I'm sorry, but no, you can't own the word "marriage." Marriage is both a legal AND a religious term. Therefore religion alone does not get to dictate who gets to use that word. You are not that special.

Dictionary.com defines discrimination as "treatment or consideration of, or making a distinction in favor of or against, a person or thing based on the group, class, or category to which that person or thing belongs rather than on individual merit". I can't think of anything that describes this hateful proposition better. They are seeking to remove the rights of a group of citizens, simply because they happen to love people with the same set of genitalia. And here's the thing: discrimination will not last. White men tried to keep women and blacks from being acknowledged as equals - TRUE equals, not that "equal but separate" crap - and it worked for a little while, sure. But to quote Martin Luther King, Jr, "The arc of history is long, but it bends toward justice." If you don't believe him, look at our new President-elect: for the first time in the long and bloody history of America, we have elected a black man as our President. It took years of fighting against hatred and intolerance, but we have achieved TRUE equality for African-Americans and women. We would have had a female Vice-President next year if we didn't elect a black President (and we came awfully darn close to having a female Presidential nominee). And you can be sure that the fight against intolerance towards homosexuality is not over, either. Already we have made enormous strides; in just a few years, California went from losing gay marriage rights by 22% to losing by only 4%. And the courts are with us; discrimination is NOT tolerated, and Proposition 8 will be defeated. Maybe not tomorrow, but soon. And someday we'll all look back and wonder why we got so torqued up about it.

So you might want to think about what you're really standing for, when you stand against gay marriage. Because the veils of education and religious freedom are thinner than the paper you used to write this hateful bill, and not as many people will believe the propaganda the next time around. Gays are not going to just fade into the background and agree to be marginalized and live as second-class citizens. Truly, you don't actually believe that will happen, do you? You don't believe that all the gays are going to up and decide to "go straight" just because you don't approve, do you? You don't believe that homosexuality will get shut back into the closet of our nation, do you? You can keep screaming that gay marriage is wrong, but all that's going to happen is you're going to lose your voice. Because the tide of righteousness is stronger than the ideology of hate.

Yes, we did

Will post my disappointment about Prop 8 later, but for now...thank you, America. Thank you for voting for hope, instead of fear. Thank you for proving that we can move past our old sins and work for a brighter tomorrow. Thank you for coming out in droves, to put the most principled, intelligent man I've ever seen in the White House.

The people have spoken, and after eight long years, I feel like they're finally speaking my language again.

One more day

One more day left for McCain to think he's got a chance at gaining the presidency. If you're an Obama supporter who's feeling just a bit antsy and scared about the possibility of losing again to the Repubs, check out FiveThirtyEight.com, which has the very latest polls and aggregate data, showing Obama with a 96.3% chance of winning tomorrow. Or check out this article on HuffPo, which shows all but one of the political pundits predicting an Obama win. That one dissenter is, of course, a Fox News pundit. (Big surprise.)

One more day left before the Dems rout the Repubs in Congress, too. Now, I'm not saying we're going to get the 60-seat majority in the Senate; that seems unlikely. But I think folks are pushing for a clear change this election season, and there's a lot of angry, bewildered people out there wondering why their 401Ks are essentially worthless scraps of paper now.

And one more day left, most likely, before the conservatives in California outlaw gay marriage. I'm heartbroken over this, truly. If Prop 8 passes, I cannot imagine a bigger blow to equality and basic human rights. If you haven't heard yet, Prop 8 is the gay marriage ban, and it's one of the most hotly-contested and expensive races this season, apart from the presidential race. Supporters of the bill are claiming it stands for religious freedom, the preservation of marriage (huh??), and the continued innocence of our Kindergarteners.

Now, let me just refute these points one by one.

First, religious freedom. The proponents of bill say that if gay marriage isn't outlawed, churches will be forced to perform marriage ceremonies for gay couples or risk losing their tax-exempt status. But don't churches already discriminate in who they will or will not marry? If you do not belong to their congregation, a church will often refuse to allow you to have your wedding there, or to have your wedding performed by their officiants. I don't think this argument holds much weight. In fact, I think the Mormon Church (LDS) may be in danger of losing its tax-exempt status for substantial political lobbying on this particular proposition. The IRS tax code prohibits tax-exempt organizations (specifically including churches) from "[substantially] attempting to influence legislation." What legally constitutes "substantially"? I don't know, but I'm sure the LDS has their lawyers hard at work coming up with reasons why this doesn't apply to them.

Secondly, the "preservation of marriage." This is a joke, right? How does banning marriage protect it? If they really wanted to protect marriage, they'd be better off trying to outlaw divorce. What they really mean, of course, is that the bill preserves the fiction that heterosexual couples are somehow extra-special and the only ones who should be allowed to be married. Why is it wrong for two consenting adults to profess their love and commitment to each other? Why should they be satisfied with only calling their relationship a "civil union" when heterosexual couples get to be "married"? If the only difference is semantics, then why should there be any difference at all? Religion does not have a lock on the English language, and doesn't get to dictate which words can be used for legal relationships. And if the basis of your argument is a religious one (i.e., "the Bible says marriage is between one man and one woman") then your argument is irrelevant and unconstitutional, because there IS a lovely little part of our constitution that demands the separation of church and state. Marriage is both a religious AND a legal state, and therefore cannot be dictated by religion alone.

And finally, somehow, they've convinced people that passing Prop 8 is going to save our children from being taught about gay marriage in school. Look, people: if you're that worried about your kids learning something at school that you don't want them to know about, then you should really homeschool your children. Kids learn a LOT at school, and not all of it is in the classroom. What they hear from their peers is usually much more objectionable than what they hear from their teachers. And quite frankly, I don't recall my son ever learning about heterosexual marriage in school, much less homosexual marriage. The California Superintendent of Schools has definitively refuted this; children are not required to be taught about gay marriage, and whether or not Prop 8 passes will have absolutely no bearing on the fact. But honestly, people, are you really that concerned about your child learning about gay marriage? And if so, do you supervise every moment with their peers? Do you quiz their friends' parents to find out if they watch Will & Grace or Ellen before allowing your child to spend time with those friends?

Homosexuality is not hidden in the closet of our country anymore - it's out in the open, and I for one am glad. Secrets breed intolerance and bigotry. And "civil unions are legally just like marriage" is the same thing as "equal but separate" - you know, like when we had "equal but separate" schools for black kids and white kids. So please, think before you cast your ballot tomorrow - think about what's fair, and think about how you would feel if someone wanted to take away YOUR right to marry the person you love.

Best birthday present ever!

Last Wednesday, on my 35th birthday, Mr Wonderful proposed!

I had a feeling it was going to happen on my birthday, to be totally honest. I was about 90% sure that he had the ring already. The kids were making oblique references to my birthday, when normally they wouldn't even notice it was coming up (although to give them props, they really didn't breathe a WORD about the proposal). And Mr Wonderful had hinted that he wanted me all to himself on my birthday - he even took the day off of work! - so I switched nights with Babydaddy. It's not like this proposal was coming as a complete surprise anyway; we decided before he moved in last October that we were planning on getting married, and we wanted to get engaged this year.

So on my birthday, I woke up thinking: "This is the day!" Mr. Wonderful took Rugrat to school for me, which meant I could sleep in a bit. All morning I was trying to work and not be too distracted. I had lunch planned with my coworkers in WC, which meant I'd be gone for about 3 hours or so.

When I got home, Mr. Wonderful was relaxing on the couch, watching TV. There was a lovely white bouquet on the table that wasn't there when I left for lunch, so I said, "What's this?" and pulled out the envelope that was stuck in the bouquet. He said, "Oh, are we doing this now?" I kind of smiled and said, "Should we wait?" He replied, 'No, now's fine..." and he paused the TV and came over by me and put his hand in his pocket. I thought, "Oh my God, this is it!" So I opened the envelope, and inside was a little note. I sort of blanked for a second. It was just two words: "Double woobie." Now, Mr. Wonderful and I each have a down pillow that we sleep with, all curled up around it as if it was a stuffed animal. We call these our "woobies" because they're not used as pillows really - they're more like security blankets. Anyway...it was a clue! So I went upstairs to the bedroom, with Mr. Wonderful trailing me the whole way.

In the bedroom was a clue that led me to the fireplace...then another clue that led to the clothes dryer, then finally a clue that led to the oven.

Inside the oven was a letter rolled up and tied like a scroll, and big wrapped present behind it. He grabbed the scroll and said, "Open the present first, then you can read this." So I pulled out the box and thought, "Damn, that's WAY too heavy to be a ring!" Turns out it was an All Clad saucepan that I'd been drooling over for a while! I was both thrilled and disappointed - thrilled at the saucepan, because I really, really wanted it, and disappointed that he wasn't going to propose. But then he told me to read the letter, which was folded up at the very bottom, so you could read most of it but there was some that was hidden. And when I started reading, I knew that the proposal WAS going to happen, RIGHT THEN!

And so, of course, the phone rang.

First my cell phone, and then the house phone. Mr. Wonderful said, "Don't..." but I'd already decided to ignore the phone; this was way more important at the moment! Turns out it was my boss, who was in a meeting with a client and had come across an error on the website we're developing for them. *sigh*

Anyway, so I stood there, kind of shaking a little and trying to read the scroll , which was a beautiful letter about how as we grow older, our birthdays become more mundane, and the presents more practical, and we lose that sense of magical anticipation. But, it said, he wanted to start a new tradition, so every year on my birthday, he would ask me one question:

(and then I unfolded the bottom of the letter, which showed what was hidden...)

"Will you marry me?"

And I started crying a little bit, and then HE started getting all misty-eyed, and I said, "Yes! Yes!" and he asked me if I wanted to see the ring, so I said, "YEAH I want to see it!" and started laughing a little. And then he said the words I'd been waiting to hear: "Will you marry me?" and of course I said "Yes" again.

And the ring? The ring is beautiful and perfect and I couldn't be happier with it. It's a radiant-cut (rectangular but sparkly, not like an emerald-cut) diamond in a very delicate beautiful white-gold setting, with a filigree underneath the semi-cathedral setting and milgrain detail on the band. And of course pictures do not ever do it justice, but if you click on this one, you'll see the other two photos I've taken of it. :)

Is it kind of redundant to say that I'm blissfully happy and thrilled to be marrying this wonderful, amazing man? I cannot believe how lucky I am, to have found him again after so long, and to find out that this incredible man, who's been in my life since high school, has turned out to be the love of my life.

My favorite thing today

(Click to view full size)

Meltdown

WTF is going on with the country this week? Did somebody slip LSD into the coffee at the Capitol?

I am referring, of course, to the Wall Street bail-out, also known as: "OMFG, we gotta give $700B to the Treasury Secretary RIGHT NOW! And never, ever ask him what he does with it." What the hell? Has our president finally gone completely insane?

Look folks, first of all: why the hurry? What's going to happen on Monday that is so freaking dire that you have to clean up the financial devastation this week? What will happen if the deal doesn't get signed by Friday afternoon? Will Wall Street implode on Monday morning? Will all the banks refuse to open their doors? Is Manhattan going to fall into the East River? Seriously, WTF?

And who in their right mind (Paulson, I'm looking at you) would ever think that Congress would agree to hand over $700 BILLION without any accountability at all. No oversight and no investigation into his methods, now or in the future, by any court or group or committe or organization whatsoever. Really? So Paulson could actually just take the $700B and run off to the Bahamas and we'd have no recourse? It would actually be perfectly legal, under the terms of that original plan.

And now we have McCain wanting to postpone the first Presidential Debate. Ah yes, of course he had to finagle something out of this. What does he get? Well, his idea is to cancel Friday's debate, and have it next week, instead of the Vice Presidential debate. Will the Vice Presidential debate be rescheduled as well? Ah...no. He wants to cancel that one permanently.

A couple of things come to mind:

• OMGWTFBBQ
  
  
• McCain wants more time to prepare for his debate against Obama


• McCain really really doesn't want Palin to speak any more than is absolutely necessary and most certainly doesn't want her matched up against Biden, who is articulate and intelligent.

I mean, holy crap, have y'all seen this??? (If you can put up with the 30 second ad at the beginning I promise you this is worth your time.)



This woman just scares the living daylights out of me. She's no more intelligent than Shrub is (and we are all seeing how well THAT's worked out for the past eight years, especially now). Do we really want this imbecile to be a 72-yr-old heartbeat away from being president of our country? God, people, wake up! How can you choose your president based on how much you want to hang out & drink beer with them (or their running mate)? I don't know about you, but I want a president that is really freaking smart. So smart it's scary. Someone who, if I was in their presence, I would feel completely inadequate. I want someone in the Oval Office that I can trust to make well-reasoned, logical decisions based on intellect, facts, and excellent foresight and judgment. Someone who doesn't just react to a crisis, but actually takes steps to avert crisis in the first place by having a PLAN for direction the country needs to go in.

Please, people. THINK. And register to vote, if you haven't done so already.

South Beach update

So I'm nearly three weeks into the South Beach diet and man, week two was a killer. I got progressively more pissed off as the second week went on (PMS doesn't help, y'all) and finally I just made an executive decision to end Phase 1 early. My weight loss had stalled and I was getting extremely frustrated with the lack of starchy foods. So I started small, with whole wheat english muffins, and it really saved things for me. I was ready to dump the diet altogether, I was just getting so angry. But now things have lightened up - we're eating whole grain breads (and whole wheat pasta once...more on that in a sec) and fruit now, and I've lost a total of nine pounds in nineteen days. Yay, me! Only nine more to go...well, fourteen if I really want to push it, but I'd be happy with just nine.

Anyway, the whole wheat pasta: eww. It was okay, I guess, but it was grainy and just not fabulous. I can't remember what brand it was but it was something I hadn't tried before. I'll stick with the Barilla "Plus" brand - that one's whole grain and they still managed to get the pasta smooth and tasty. So do yourself a favor, if you're looking at the whole wheat pasta option, stick with the Barilla brand. And no, they didn't pay me to say that.

I'm happy that the weather's turned cooler (although looking at the forecast, it seems like it may have been a fluke). I love cooking soup, and you just don't feel like eating soup when it's 90 degrees outside, yanno? So far I've made Black Bean Soup, Tom Yum (Thai shrimp soup), Roasted Tomato Soup and Smoky-Sweet Butternut Squash Soup. I'll get a recipe up for that last one in a few days; I just made it tonight and let me give you a little hint: Bacon. Apples. Sage. Yum! So far I'd have to say my favorite was the Roasted Tomato soup though; we got a bunch of tomatoes in our CSA box yesterday morning, and still had some vine-ripened ones too, so it was the perfect dinner last night. With a couple of pork chops topped with a little Dijon mustard pan sauce, it was just a little bit of heaven.

As you can see, I'm definitely not eating the carbs at every meal. I'm trying to eat my starchy foods early in the day and then have a dinner without any bread or pasta. It keeps me full in the evening and I'm not snacking as much in front of the TV. Knitting helps with that too...you should see the progress I'm making on projects these days! I designed a baby sweater for a friend's baby shower and knitted it up in less than a week, and I've got all but one sleeve done now on my cushy green Mmmmmmalabrigo v-neck sweater. I've got lots of projects to get moving on though, starting with Dad's socks (about 2/3 of a sock to go!) and Sister's sweater (a gift that I'm hoping will be nursing-friendly, since she's due in early December).

And finally, in apparently unrelated (but not really) news, I've found quite a few old friends on Facebook. I was even contacted by an old high school boyfriend (one that I certainly never thought I'd speak to again...he went a little wackadoo there for a while). And this old HS boyfriend? Just had a quadruple bypass 2 weeks ago! OMFG!! How does a guy in his mid-thirties gets QUADRUPLE fucking BYPASS surgery??? That is some scary shit right there. Makes me even more thankful that I'm doing something good for my body now - losing weight, eating healthier, exercising a bit.