How can I leave alcohol if my day starts and ends with it?
Under those circumstances, you may not be able to, but consider the possibility of a life where alcohol is not the beginning and the end. If you can imagine it, then you can create it.
A successfully recovering alcoholic doesn’t try to avoid the substance or break a bad habit or create new habits. The success comes in creating a life where there is no need for escape. The addictive substance or behavior holds no allure because there is no need to be someone other than who you are.
If you address the possibility of recovery from that standpoint, then your question above becomes irrelevant.
Creating a new life around a person whom you love - that being yourself - is not easy, and it may require a good amount of therapy, meetings, support groups, journaling, gnashing of teeth, tears, and sincere changes of heart and mind … but it can be done.
My heart is with you.